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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this episode I'm going to be talking about self-acceptance how to stop beating yourself up and tearing yourself apart I want to show you how to practice self-acceptance this is a very counterintuitive thing because generally we don't allow ourselves to accept ourselves this comes as a very counterintuitive move and I want to help you to do that here with a guided visualization but before we get into the visualization let me give just a little bit of background a little bit of theory here on what we're talking about practicing self-acceptance this is one of these things that is like the softer more feminine side of personal development and usually a lot of us especially guys we get into personal development and it's all about what we can accomplish and what we can get and what we can create and a success and all this kind of like alpha guy stuff right we want more confidence and we want this and what we do is we kind of ignore the softer side the feminine side so to speak of personal development and one of these things is self-acceptance this is really important and it's going to feel at first when you try to do self-acceptance it's going to feel fruity and it's going to feel soft and it's going to feel like oh man this is all the stuff that I don't want I don't want to be this that does self-acceptance or practices self-love but this is something I really can would converge you to reconsider because this one practice right here that I'm going to guide you through can produce massive massive results in your life think of all the results that you've gotten at the gym in the last year or in your business and last year or at work in the last year and now imagine that self-acceptance just this one practice of self-acceptance is going to get you more results than all of that combined the real results that count are the inner growth results and that's what self-acceptance practice really goes to the core of right we're not trying to solve your mood problems or your your neuroses here through some sort of external fix or some sort of behavioral change that stuff has its place but also self-acceptance has its place just going inside and looking for the things and aspects of yourself that you have been denying for years and decades and just being open to them and just getting those different parts of you communicating together that's very very powerful it's very powerful because there's something you've probably resisted for decades and you're not even aware that you've been resisting this we all have what we might call sins and I don't mean that in some religious sense of sins like you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that I mean sins in the sense that we look at our own personality we look at our life we look at our behavior and of course we want certain aspects of our life to be different we don't like how we get angry at somebody we don't like how we criticize people too much we don't like that were judgmental we don't like that we're jealous and all these kinds of things but of course you know we try to hide these things that we don't like about ourselves and when we do that that makes us disintegrated literally disintegrated this integration means you're broken up and fragmented into multiple parts so that's what you've got going on in your mind is you've got like all these different aspects to you there's the aspect of you that wants to go to work real hard and then there's aspect of you that wants to stay in bed and just be lazy and then there's the aspect of you that wants to have a great relationship instead of work and then there's the aspect of you that after you've spent a lot of time in a relationship and had some great sex then you want to go back to work so you have all these kind of like conflicting forces and what ultimately needs to happen is you need to somehow integrate all these things together so that you can become a a calm grounded well-rounded human being this is how we get rid of our neuroses is by doing this and a lot of times if you're coming at personal development from a kind of a masculine perspective then your your tendency is to want to kind of brute force your way through these pro just through action it's like well give me a technique or an outer behavior that I can do that will just eliminate all this stuff you don't really want to kind of like look inside and open yourself up because it's somewhat of a feminine activity right opening yourself up and kind of surrendering and this is actually very very necessary if you want to develop into your full masculinity you're not going to be fully masculine just by acting stoic and alpha and macho you want to open yourself up more so the key here is that these sins that you have whatever they are maybe you're not happy with how much money you have or you really don't like your performance at work or your performance in the bedroom or whatever most of us what we intuitively do is we say well this is all bad stuff we label it bad and we try to move away from it but here's the key insight and the counterintuitive move instead of hating your sins which only makes them stronger you want to love your sins to death love your sins to death that's the key insight here the counterintuitive move and this is somewhat fruity feeling at first but once you start doing more and more of it you see how great it really works now one common objection that I hear when I tell people this stuff and I've experienced this myself when I first started try and doing it is that the objection goes like well Leo if I just accept myself as I am and I accept my lazy side and I accept my my bad side and my angry side accept all these parts then what is there to develop aren't I done just sitting there as myself and now I'm satisfied so to speak and now why am I even improving myself what is there to improve so this is kind of the paradox of self-acceptance versus achievement and self-development you really need to do both at the same time I'm not telling you just to accept yourself and then do nothing I'm telling you to accept yourself first of all the act of accepting yourself is a doing this is actually something that you have been doing so if you want you can think of this as a technique it's like an inner game technique so you can leave it that way so actually you are growing you're developing yourself but you're doing it kind of on the inside in a more softer manner but also it's not that you just accept yourself and then you don't get off your couch and do anything actually what's going to happen is that once you accept yourself fully only then do you start to tap into authentic motivation right now a lot of you are motivated by inauthentic motivation neurotic motivation which means that you hate some aspect of yourself like you hate how you look in the mirror so you go to the gym and you hate how little money of anybody cast so you go and you work real hard that's a that's a very kind of crude form of living life and a crude form of motivation a crude form of self-development it works when that's all you've got but eventually you have to evolve past that and you have to get to these higher levels and these higher levels it's not about moving away from things it's actually about moving just towards the things that you authentically genuinely are desiring in your life and that's exactly what's gonna happen when you accept all the parts of yourself then you're going to give yourself the space and the freedom to then change those things that you want to really change and that's going to come from a much more authentic place than a place of neurosis which is where you've been coming from probably for the years so that's the theory let's now actually have you do the practice I'm going to guide you through the visualization so this will take probably 15 or 20 minutes go ahead and isolate yourself make sure you have time to sit through this whole thing this will be worth your time I promise all right so go ahead sit with your back up straight just listening to me and get in the present moment and close your eyes and keep your eyes closed throughout the duration of this visualization take time to just relax your body and get into the present moment get in touch with the feelings in your body become aware of your thoughts and your breathing and all the tactile sensations and the temperature of your body and as you sit there with your eyes closed just relax and take a nice deep inhale and then exhale nice and slow at your own pace good get very focused and centered on what's happening in the present moment right now the sound of my voice any other sounds that might be around you the sensations that are affecting your body right now get in touch with all those notice that right now in the present moment you are sitting there you're this one you're this thing that's sitting there right now listening to me put your attention on that thing that you are good now I want you to bring to mind a strong feeling of love that you've ever experienced for anything could be nature could be video games could be sex could be food could be a family member of yours doesn't matter just stir up a strong feeling of love that you've ever had for anything in life pick a specific thing and now what I want you to do is I want you to isolate that feeling of love so that there's just like this cloud of love that you're feeling independent of the thing itself independent of the video game with the sex or the food just get the feeling of love itself right now into your body and feel it in your mind and in your heart and anywhere else that you would feel it in your body it might help you to remember a time in the past to bring up a memory where you felt loved okay good so now you've got that cloud of feeling of love and it's in your body now what I want you to do is I want you to apply that love to the one that you are sitting there right now in the present moment so just take it and spread it all throughout your body and apply it to you so in your mind tell yourself that this is for me this is for this one that's sitting here don't ask how do I do this just do it just give yourself love right now just give yourself love unconditionally for no reason whatsoever do not look for a justification of why you deserve love just give it to yourself with no strings attached relax your body and just allow for the love to flow to you good now we're going to repeat this several times in different contexts what I want you to do now is to bring to mind this one who is sitting there who gets angry sometimes this one that's you this one who gets angry now give that one love give the angry part of you love just infuse it with love don't ask how just do it good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has been treated unfairly in the past haven't you been treated unfairly before and then you felt bad about it we'll just bring that one to mind who's been treated unfairly and give that one love give the wounded part of you love good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has treated other people unfairly in the past haven't you treated that other people unfairly in the past just as they have treated you unfairly haven't you wounded other people and isn't that something you don't like about yourself is that you are capable of wounding others so just bring that one to mine who has wounded others and give that one your love good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has been critical of others that part of you that's critical all the time that's judgmental bring that part of you to mind and give it love you notice resistance to giving love just give that resistance love and let the love suffuse through the resistance and into that part of you that's critical and judgmental good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there that has had struggles with money isn't there that part of you that struggles with money maybe you have in the past maybe you still do bring that part to mind and give it love love that part of you that's bad with money compassion showed understanding and acceptance fully accepted as though it was your child or a beloved pet good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has suffered embarrassment isn't there a part of you that's been embarrassed bring that part to mind and give it your love give it your acceptance and your understanding and your compassion as you would to a small child good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has made mistakes haven't you made mistakes in life that part of you that makes mistakes and screws up bring that part to mind and give it your unconditional love your full understanding and your full compassion without any reservations without holding anything back good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who acts lazy who likes to procrastinate and not do the things that should do bring to mind that part of you and I want you to give it your full unconditional love infuse it with your understanding and your compassion good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who is afraid that part of you that's afraid there are many things you could be afraid of whatever it is doesn't matter just that part of you that's afraid bring that one to mind and give that one love infuse it with your understanding and your full compassion good now bring to line this one who is needy that part of you that desperately needs something it's needy for love or it's needy for security or it's needy for success and give that needy part all of your love and understanding and compassion good now bring to mind this one sitting there who is hypocritical that part of you that tells other people what to do but then doesn't do it itself and give that inner hypocrite your love and understanding and acceptance good now bring to mind this one sitting there who hates his or her physical appearance and give that part all of your love and understanding and compassion to now bring to mind this one sitting there who feels lost in life and doesn't quite know what to do this part that doesn't have all the answers it wants that's confused that's uncertain and give that part your love and understanding and compassion good now bring to mind this one sitting there who feels sexually frustrated and give that part of you your unconditional love and understanding and compassion you good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has career problems and struggles at work or struggles in business and now give that one your love and your understanding and your compassion good now bring to mind this one who has relationship problems we have all kinds of relationship problems don't we whatever yours are just bring that one to mind who has them and give that part of you that sucks in relationships give it love and compassion understanding relationships are messy complicated things good now bring to mind this one sitting there who has family problems oh yeah all those family problems that keep coming up again and again whatever yours are just bring that one to mind and give that one who has them give that one love and your full compassion good now bring to mind this one sitting there who has addictions and bad habits whatever is your happen to be that one who is responsible for your addictions and your bad habits give that one your full love and understanding and compassion could now bring to mind this one sitting there who lacks confidence and feels shy around other people and give that one love and compassion good now bring to mind this one who is sitting there who has bad luck or misfortune just random bad luck stuff happens to you in your life and of course we never liked bad luck but give that part of you that hates bad luck give that part your love and your understanding and your compassion good now bring to mind this one sitting there who gets jealous easily who gets envious and petty with other people you know the part I'm talking about give that one your love and your unconditional understanding and compassion good now bring to mind this one sitting there who likes to overeat sometimes do you have that part inside you the part that likes to overeat and then feels bad about it that feels guilty and shameful and regretful bring that part to mind right now and give it your full unconditional love and understanding and compassion good now bring to mind this one who's sitting there who gets dogmatic and ideological and defensive about his ideas or her beliefs and likes to cling to those ideas and beliefs even though you know it's not right and give that dogmatic part of you it's it's do love and compassion understanding you and finally bring to mind this one sitting there who gets selfish and narcissistic and acts out from selfishness and narcissism in many different ways and suffers for it bring that one to mind and give that one your full unconditional love give your neurotic ego the love you've been denying it good as you sit there with your eyes still closed you're very calm and centered and in the present moment take all those parts of you that we went through and give all of them your full love and integrate them all together and own every single part of you tie them all together as though you're tying them all together with a string into a bundle that bundle is you realize that you exist in this very moment it feels to you that you exist and if you notice existence makes no judgments and assigns no values and places no guilt or shame on your existence does it the very fabric of existence we might say accepts you exactly as you are because it is you all existence cares about is being it doesn't care about what you've done or how you should be in the future or whether you're not good enough now the way that you are you're being all existence cares about is being however it is it is an existence is never wrong it is it either is or it isn't but it's never is and then also wrong notice that existence itself doesn't need you to be any other way than how you presently are you may want yourself to be some other way but existence does not we might say that existence gives you unconditional love because you simply are existing now give yourself the unconditional love and acceptance that existence gives you every moment of your life good that is the process of accepting yourself go ahead and open your eyes come on back alert and refreshed and awake and we're done keep doing this process throughout the day over the next week just check in with yourself and remember that whatever is going on in your life that you're not satisfied with just remember to stop for a moment when it's happening if you can be conscious enough and just to remember that you need to give yourself more love and acceptance and compassion rather than browbeating yourself and trying to act out from a place of neurosis and resistance against this sin of yours whatever sin you have loved that sin to death what will happen is that your sins will all melt away with love you don't need to fight them you don't need to slay these big dragons and hydras because every head you cut off a Hydra a new one just comes up and grows out of that stump and that's a battle you will never win but if you just accept these things what will happen is that you'll just soften to them and then naturally these things will just melt away and fall apart they'll just dissolve before your eyes but that can take some time does the process could take weeks or months to do to work but it definitely works as long as you are conscious enough to remember to just keep doing it you can always come back and re-watch this and get grounded again in your own self-acceptance that's it I'm signing off go ahead post your comments down below please click the like button right now share this episode with a friend and lastly come check out my website actualize that Rug right here I've got a free newsletter there that keeps you up to date with all the information and concepts you need to know about how to master your life this is the process of self actualization what I'm sharing with you here this is not some juvenile eyal self-improvement tactics this is very very deep stuff I'm trying to share with you the most profound things that I've discovered in my life that I'm researching every single day and practicing every single day for myself to live the most profound passionate life that I can discover and I've done a lot of research to find the principles the principles you need to know for how to do this a lot of expensive was a very counterintuitive you wouldn't ordinarily think of using these kinds of principles in fact usually you do the exact opposite and think that you're doing good in fact you're shooting yourself in the foot so I'm I'm really excited to show you some of these counterintuitive principles and also show you the application of these principles because a lot of times what happens in personal development is that teachers will talk about principles in theory but then they don't actually take it to the nitty-gritty how do you actually apply it how do you make this stuff very practical so my thing is taking the abstract connecting it with the concrete and showing you how to do it piece by piece by piece these are episodes if you watch these episodes every single week and that's what the newsletter if you sign up to it helps you to do then you're staying on track and over the next couple of years just an hour a week you're watching these episodes take a little bit of action doing some of these assignments some of these visualizations and you will not believe how much your perspective on life will transform in just a couple of years not to mention ten years what you could do in ten years with this information is absolutely extraordinary you wouldn't believe me if I told you all the things that could 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